It'll be Alright.

So, for the past while or so, I’ve been reading Patrick Dodson’s book Stuff my Dad Never Taught Me About Relationships.  It’s really, really challenged me in a lot of the ways I view life.  When I say really, I mean not as much as I would mentally hope, but when I say a lot of ways I view life, I mean A LOT.  

Though the book talks about many of the same things in different light throughout the fullness of it so far, every time I read something different stands out to me very strongly.  This time, it’s the idea of selfishness.  The book begins pointing out very wisely that when we say ‘I love you’, we’re really saying, ‘I love me; I want you.’  Which, to me, really strikes the core, not in the instant hearing of the idea, but when it’s expanded upon. 

In the chapter I just read, there’s a lot talked about the commitment between people in relationships.  This meaning, any relationship.  So, yeah, any time humans interact, not just in a lovey dovey sort of way.  There’s a lot mentioned about commitment to community, commitment that is consistent.  I realize that’s really hard for me.  Really hard actually, even now that I think about it more.  All my life has been about commitment to different things.  When I was young, middle school mainly, I had my Gamer Friends, when I came into high school, I was lucky enough to wear a Sunny Day Real Estate shirt on the right day, and began my introduction to my Music Friends.  Then, and along side, when I started getting involved with my sister’s church, I had my Church Friends (Half 1).  As I got involved in another church environment, I had my other Church Friends (Half 2).  Then I went away to San Francisco for my DTS, and had my DTS Friends.

I realize now, all those separate groups of friends I held in selfishness.  I liked the idea that at any given time, if something wasn’t working out in one circle, that I could shift emphasis to a different group, and feel alright with myself because I’m still accepted.  How cancerous!  Even now I’m realizing how that habit has reinforced in me the the prospect that that’s okay, and the repetition steadily, making it worse.  

I’m realizing the real importance of commitment to community.  I mean, real commitment.  Never before in my life have I felt like I should have something that I am really responsible to to be committed.  I mean, home life in youth sucked!  Why commit there?  I picked up video games.  If anything, the only thing outside myself that I ever committed to (and outside of Christ, whom I realize I’m still not enough committed to) was my living room. 

I’m realizing now how real the surroundings I find myself in are, and home crucial. It’s like I’m at a crossroads.  I’ve hit something that I feel like I have no right to move from where I am before I face the reality of what this thing means.  Community.  Relationships.  The strong ties that bond.  What right do I have to leave my brothers and sisters, when I see the places where they come from, and the things they really need?  

I’m beginning to understand the Apostles’ writings when they were deeply wrought with sorrow in that they couldn’t see those they wrote to.  I always thought, “Why don’t you just go?”  Or, “Well, you’ll be there eventually right?  What’s the big deal?”  Now I see and realize, that these people, in that culture, were deeply tied to their sense of community.  That they would visit the church they write to wouldn’t just be a problem of travel and expense.  They would have to leave the community they were in then, and were tied strongly to.  The ministry of the Apostles I now see was one wrought with grief in their vocation.  That as communal people, desiring to be dedicated to one group, they were driven by the Gospel of Christ to deny their cultural reinforcements to see many sons come to glory.  

Perhaps we face a different problem in our society now.  It seems the non-comital leaving from one community to another is no problem for us.  It’s easy to go here or there, because we only go skin deep with those around us.  Perhaps our real problem today is the real stuff.  Really sticking it out for the ones we Love.  

My hearts being challenged with a lot of things, dear friends.  But may Christ be glorified in it all.